Threesomes, yes or no?

I remember the days when the general topic of sex was totally taboo, and the only girls performing in such an act would discuss it in secret while smoking their parents stolen Windsor Blues behind the school 's bike sheds. It was a funny time, when you were either popular and adored by everyone, awkward and unsociable, or that creepy emo kid group talking about Green Day in a dark corner of a shopping centre, ridiculing the shoppers for being "mainstream". They are future hipsters... Actually, they all are, who isn't nowadays?
Whenever sex was bought up, it was about the basics, what we would do, what the fuck is oral sex and, after discovering the answer to the latter, hilarious laughter at the number 69 for the rest of our days.

Fast forwarding a few years of loosing virginity's (not necessarily to boyfriends) and I discover my friend has participated in a threesome with a druggie couple at a festival over the summer as a rebound from her ex-man. So this is the point where we all realize:  SEX IS FUN! It's not something to be ashamed of and just because we're having it doesn't mean that we're going to end up prostitutes on the street, funding our drug habit. Thank you, sex ed teacher for that horrific analogy.

No to threesomes: It's all well and good to feel sexually emancipated as a human and to fuck men and women alike as much as your libido can keep up with- but what about the stigma? Threesomes are for couples who are fed up of each other or a drunken "mistake" at a festival; an organised agreement between a  slutty group of friends, right? Not something us normal people do! Sorry slags, but it's true.

Yes to threesomes: Why the fuck not? We're living in an age of people going to the extreme to be different, to not follow the mainstream- especially in sex. It doesn't need to be awkward; we all know guy's threesome dream is with two girls and girls is two guys, but it's okay to mix it up a bit, try something new. If you're in a relationship then do it to please you boy. If you're single, then do it to please yourself- two guys all over all of you at one time? Why aren't more people doing this? ..... Answer: Because it's too fucking awkward.

So if you haven't already been utterly discussed and ashamed of my sexual adventures (ahem... not mine) the you will when you read the fucking strange circumstances I've endured listening to just for you guys.

Circumstance 1: The Festival Freesome-to-all. "I was at a festival getting high with three boys I'd met there. The four of us went back to the tent and I was getting pretty close to this one guy. Then he asked if his friend could join in (the fourth had passed out by now) so I said okay. It was the best sex I've ever had!" Not surprisingly this girl wont let me tell you her name- but is this what people want when a threesome is suggested? In a smelly tent surrounded by other smelly tents in a muddy field? It's your choice baby.

Circumstance 2: The Ugly, Clean Prostitute. My fellow blogger has admitted that she'd say yes to a threesome if she was in a relationship and the extra girl was a clean prostitute. "I'd cook her a meal, make her feel welcome etc. But she'd have to be uglier than me!" Sounds about right. I'm in (on the circumstance, not her hypothetical threesome, jeez)!

Circumstance 3: Love? Any self-respecting Friends lover will know the story of Phoebe's mum (the one on the beach, not the suicidal crack whore). Phoebe's birth mum, birth dad and foster mum were all lovers, together. Weird huh? But it does happen, like some sort of weird bigamy where the wives love each other as well. Let it be guys, but it is one of my other beautiful threesome circumstances.

As for positions, it really depends how drunk you are. If you're wankered and are planning on having this threesome with two strangers, then chatting about it isn't really an option in between multiple orgasms. In a man's case, just shove it in the spare whole... in a woman's case, take it. It's how the world works.
If you're hiring a prostitute for you and your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, make a night of it, cook a meal and sit there talking dirty as much as possible with out putting one of the other thirds of their dinner, discuss which key is going in what hole... I'm going to be honest and say that if there are two men, I'd say the holes at the opposite ends of the body would prevent awkward ball bashing... but whatever the fuck you're into I guess.
If it's two women, then I'd definitely suggest general objectification of the man, for all you feminists out there.... one on the face, one on the... how does 50 Shades put it? Member? Length? Dick, basically.

I think I've covered about as much on the subject as my human instincts will allow without throwing up.
Enjoy in moderation, wear a condom, drink plenty of wine and most importantly... have fun (?)

Peace Out ♥

Now here's a search I'll be deleting from my history.