Before I go any further, I'd like to mention that I'm refering to underage drinking and "clubbing" (if you insist) not sex. I'm not giving unofficial permission to all those strange teenage boys to go after 14 year olds. Hold your horses, pedophilia is never okay.
Secondly, to the 14 year olds of the world, this message is not for you either, fake ID or no fake ID, you do not look 18 and playing british bulldog in a bar is also never okay. Stick to your houseparties, kiddies.
This post is for all the 17 year olds out there.
You've just started second year of college; you're now thinking about university, getting stressed over exams and resits and endless emounts of homework (jeez, you're never too old for it aparently). You've been given this crucificial cross of pressure to carry every single day from the government - because our generation will be the one's to get the best grades on record, become the most successful businessman, accountants, bankers, chancellors and journalists (I had to add the latter, I ain't no failure) and bring this god-forsaken island out of the recession and in to brand new modern times where everyone dresses like Marty Mcfly and drives around in hover cars and various other examples from the PM's wet dreams of the future (yuck!)
Back to the future, you're going to university soon (or not, whatever), you've gotten your grades and there aint nothing you can do about them, it's time to face the real world, but that's easy, because at least you can look forward to the weekend, when you can meet you mates and go out for one too many cosmopolitans (a favoured cocktail of mine in case anyone wants to know).
Back to the present, LET ME DRINK! In life, you're either lucky, or you're not. You're either born in the term before Christmas (in which case New Years is one hell of an event for you) or you're born in the summer months, when the suns out and is the best time for parties and at least everyone's 18 by then, right? But what about before that?
While friends who have just turned 18 join friends who have already turned 18 and go for casual drinks in Spoons between lessons and when amature gigs and parties become a thing of the past, making way for "the nights out" and the "over 18 events"; Other 'summer babies' and I, sit back and watch... and then listen on Monday morning while they chatter about the venue, the bar, the hot bar tender, the lovely people they met and the guy who bought them drinks all night after they spotted each other in the basic smoking courtyard as my 18 year old friend smoked a menthol Vogue, because she's worth it.
"What did you do this weekend?" ..... "I sat at home with my good friends Ben and Jerry, watching Sex and the City repeats until 2:30am when I, and my lopsided cat, turned in for the night."
Am I sinical? Yes.
Is it because I don't like Sex and the City? No.
But am I jealous that my 18 years (that's 6556.5 days) didn't come sooner than there's? Of course! I sit at home watching Sex and the City, while they're out having sex in the city, are you following?
I can shag who I want, I can drive where I want, and I can bet on me driving to a guys house to get laid.... and yet I can't go out for a drink. Well fuck you. (literally, because I can do that).
Fake ID
So after that cynical rant comes my sollution, I take a leaf from Marty Mcfly's book (the PM would be so proud) and fast forward time... sort of.
You're now talking to an 18 year old, looking back on her very short year of being 17 and pitying the poor bugger.
So here's the overall message. If you want something, get it, because no one's going to get it for you, and don't expect it to appear if you sit around and wait. Common 17 year olds, the worlds about to get fucking scary, so do yourselves a favor and savour these last few months, don't wait, it'll only be a waste of being underage. We were put on the earth to be 18, the number 17 means nothing!
After all, it's not like you're going to do that homework anyway.
*A last little note, if you're reading from America or anywhere else:
Peace Out <3
Secondly, to the 14 year olds of the world, this message is not for you either, fake ID or no fake ID, you do not look 18 and playing british bulldog in a bar is also never okay. Stick to your houseparties, kiddies.
This post is for all the 17 year olds out there.
You've just started second year of college; you're now thinking about university, getting stressed over exams and resits and endless emounts of homework (jeez, you're never too old for it aparently). You've been given this crucificial cross of pressure to carry every single day from the government - because our generation will be the one's to get the best grades on record, become the most successful businessman, accountants, bankers, chancellors and journalists (I had to add the latter, I ain't no failure) and bring this god-forsaken island out of the recession and in to brand new modern times where everyone dresses like Marty Mcfly and drives around in hover cars and various other examples from the PM's wet dreams of the future (yuck!)
Back to the future, you're going to university soon (or not, whatever), you've gotten your grades and there aint nothing you can do about them, it's time to face the real world, but that's easy, because at least you can look forward to the weekend, when you can meet you mates and go out for one too many cosmopolitans (a favoured cocktail of mine in case anyone wants to know).
Back to the present, LET ME DRINK! In life, you're either lucky, or you're not. You're either born in the term before Christmas (in which case New Years is one hell of an event for you) or you're born in the summer months, when the suns out and is the best time for parties and at least everyone's 18 by then, right? But what about before that?
While friends who have just turned 18 join friends who have already turned 18 and go for casual drinks in Spoons between lessons and when amature gigs and parties become a thing of the past, making way for "the nights out" and the "over 18 events"; Other 'summer babies' and I, sit back and watch... and then listen on Monday morning while they chatter about the venue, the bar, the hot bar tender, the lovely people they met and the guy who bought them drinks all night after they spotted each other in the basic smoking courtyard as my 18 year old friend smoked a menthol Vogue, because she's worth it.
"What did you do this weekend?" ..... "I sat at home with my good friends Ben and Jerry, watching Sex and the City repeats until 2:30am when I, and my lopsided cat, turned in for the night."
Am I sinical? Yes.
Is it because I don't like Sex and the City? No.
But am I jealous that my 18 years (that's 6556.5 days) didn't come sooner than there's? Of course! I sit at home watching Sex and the City, while they're out having sex in the city, are you following?
I can shag who I want, I can drive where I want, and I can bet on me driving to a guys house to get laid.... and yet I can't go out for a drink. Well fuck you. (literally, because I can do that).
Fake ID
So after that cynical rant comes my sollution, I take a leaf from Marty Mcfly's book (the PM would be so proud) and fast forward time... sort of.
You're now talking to an 18 year old, looking back on her very short year of being 17 and pitying the poor bugger.
So here's the overall message. If you want something, get it, because no one's going to get it for you, and don't expect it to appear if you sit around and wait. Common 17 year olds, the worlds about to get fucking scary, so do yourselves a favor and savour these last few months, don't wait, it'll only be a waste of being underage. We were put on the earth to be 18, the number 17 means nothing!
After all, it's not like you're going to do that homework anyway.
*A last little note, if you're reading from America or anywhere else:
- Spoons is short for Wetherspoons, a chain of pubs around the UK.
- Ben and Jerries is an ice cream brand, like Rocky Road, but better (sorry, it's true)
- Term is a semester to you guys, a period between school/college holiday's
- I hope you know what Sex and the City is, if not, watch it. Same goes for Back to the Future, in reference to Marty Mcfly.
- University is college for you. College is your last two years of high school.
- PM refers to our Prime Minister, you can replace that with the God that is Obama.
- Also I'd like to mention that you should change the ages 17 and 18 to 20 and 21 for obvious reasons.
Peace Out <3
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