I don't know if the writing is big enough to read but this is my home made magazine article for my Media AS magazine Stellar.
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Generation Wasted
I don't know if the writing is big enough to read but this is my home made magazine article for my Media AS magazine Stellar.
Sunday, 10 March 2013
Two Sugars - A little story from me to you
I awake in a dark and smokey room. I'm on the floor, lying on what appears to be the cushions from the sofa I could have sworn I fell asleep on last night with my body half covered by an old sleeping bag, which, if it had the means, could recite many more similar awakenings. The light streaming in through the industrial blinds of a living/kitchen/diner in a small male-inhabited flat burn and the thumping pain in my head only reminds me of my dreadful hangover from the night before.
My senses start to fade in, like the mornings light through ill-chosen blinds, and I can hear my own breathing; smell the shame of stale wine and half-smoked cigarettes in my matted hair that's survived on dry shampoo for the past two days. I can feel the covers just about covering the dignity of my naked body...
Naked body?
I'm suddenly aware of the person next to me. I can hear his breathing, as deep as the ocean and as peaceful a low tide. The covers rise and fall in his splendor and I dispute whether I should sneak away without looking back.
They say curiosity kills the cat and, like a cold, dead cat, roll over on my front and turn my head on the pillow to inspect another nights forgotten handy-work.
The man lying next to me is facing me, his broad shoulders towering far above my own and his dark quiffed hair only slightly ruffled in comparison to my neglected scarecrow's 'do'. His equally dark features are at least recognizable, but still a blurry haze from the start of the night, which inevitably ended now. He's clean shaven; his eyebrows and hair took frequently tamed and his flawless skin seems unaffected by his inexcusable on-coming hangover. The covers only just reach past his stomach and I vaguely remembered a conversation about him playing rugby. Or was it football? Maybe that was just my imagination.
I groaned with a hint of regret measured up next to the pain of my bodies poison consumption. He stirs gently in his sleep, scrunching his face like a little boy being woken by his mother before school. I hold my breath, begging he'd fall back to sleep so I could run off to the bedroom down the hall where I can remember my friend is staying and hope that she isn't still enjoying her nights catch. That much I can remember; this gentleman's name I cannot.
Opening his eyes after a short while I see a startle in his eyes, that I can relate to my early shock of finding him next to me. However, he soon smiles and appears to find the whole situation somewhat expected.
"Hello." I thought I'd start formal, it seems appropriate seeing as I don't actually know the man as far as my memory allows.
"Morning..." He replies, squinting his eyes to protect his aching brain from the ever increasing light from the window above.
"Are you clothed by any chance?" The pain and frustration of not knowing eradicated my subtlety - this is how this conversation is going to to go and it seems to confuse my new 'friend' but he smiles anyway.
"Of course not" he pauses to peek under the sleeping bag "and neither are you."
"Yes, that I am aware of." He laughs a morning-style, deep, croaky chuckle.
I bury my head in the pillow, murmuring words that don't quite make sense: "Urg! Again?!" I whine to myself more than my companion but he laughs regardless; apparently I'm amusing in the morning. His face falls now and he adopts and more serious tone, "You don't remember?"
"Yeah, this is the face of someone who remembers everything" I sarcastically spit in his direction. I'm not used to interaction in the morning; I've never been fond of sleepovers, but at least I have time to prepare a bright a chirpy persona, unlike falling into sleeping bag with Mr. Smith. I'm starting to get irritated by his amusement at my anguish.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so drunk."
"I'm a very persuasive drunk" I manage a small smile in his direction, but realize that humor is my better option, "I'm also a slutty drunk so I suppose the fault is on me." He laughs, finally.
"You look..." He starts.
"A mess? Not as hot as you remember?" I begin to reel off statements I've heard uttered in passed experiences. I don't make a habit of it, but it seems to make a habit of me. Drunken blunders that is.
"Pretty" he finishes and I look at him for the first time since he woke up. He's lying on his back now, looking up at me leaning on my elbows in an attempt to appear more awake.
I soften my tone "Thank you" creeps out from behind my almost smiling, dried-out lips as a name springs to mind. I giggle and relax in the knowledge that I don't have to survive the rest of the morning pretending to know this mans name.
"And I suppose you're Ollie?"
"Oliver." He holds out his hand to shake and I adjust myself on one elbow and softly place my other hand in his.
"Nice to meet you. Again" I joke
"Again" he repeats and we both laugh. He kisses my forehead as I bow forwards and decide that this is definitely one of my better mornings after.
"So, Oliver, would you like a cup of tea?"
I may never meet this boy again, but at least I'll forever remember how many sugars he takes.
My senses start to fade in, like the mornings light through ill-chosen blinds, and I can hear my own breathing; smell the shame of stale wine and half-smoked cigarettes in my matted hair that's survived on dry shampoo for the past two days. I can feel the covers just about covering the dignity of my naked body...
Naked body?
I'm suddenly aware of the person next to me. I can hear his breathing, as deep as the ocean and as peaceful a low tide. The covers rise and fall in his splendor and I dispute whether I should sneak away without looking back.
They say curiosity kills the cat and, like a cold, dead cat, roll over on my front and turn my head on the pillow to inspect another nights forgotten handy-work.
The man lying next to me is facing me, his broad shoulders towering far above my own and his dark quiffed hair only slightly ruffled in comparison to my neglected scarecrow's 'do'. His equally dark features are at least recognizable, but still a blurry haze from the start of the night, which inevitably ended now. He's clean shaven; his eyebrows and hair took frequently tamed and his flawless skin seems unaffected by his inexcusable on-coming hangover. The covers only just reach past his stomach and I vaguely remembered a conversation about him playing rugby. Or was it football? Maybe that was just my imagination.
I groaned with a hint of regret measured up next to the pain of my bodies poison consumption. He stirs gently in his sleep, scrunching his face like a little boy being woken by his mother before school. I hold my breath, begging he'd fall back to sleep so I could run off to the bedroom down the hall where I can remember my friend is staying and hope that she isn't still enjoying her nights catch. That much I can remember; this gentleman's name I cannot.
Opening his eyes after a short while I see a startle in his eyes, that I can relate to my early shock of finding him next to me. However, he soon smiles and appears to find the whole situation somewhat expected.
"Hello." I thought I'd start formal, it seems appropriate seeing as I don't actually know the man as far as my memory allows.
"Morning..." He replies, squinting his eyes to protect his aching brain from the ever increasing light from the window above.
"Are you clothed by any chance?" The pain and frustration of not knowing eradicated my subtlety - this is how this conversation is going to to go and it seems to confuse my new 'friend' but he smiles anyway.
"Of course not" he pauses to peek under the sleeping bag "and neither are you."
"Yes, that I am aware of." He laughs a morning-style, deep, croaky chuckle.
I bury my head in the pillow, murmuring words that don't quite make sense: "Urg! Again?!" I whine to myself more than my companion but he laughs regardless; apparently I'm amusing in the morning. His face falls now and he adopts and more serious tone, "You don't remember?"
"Yeah, this is the face of someone who remembers everything" I sarcastically spit in his direction. I'm not used to interaction in the morning; I've never been fond of sleepovers, but at least I have time to prepare a bright a chirpy persona, unlike falling into sleeping bag with Mr. Smith. I'm starting to get irritated by his amusement at my anguish.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so drunk."
"I'm a very persuasive drunk" I manage a small smile in his direction, but realize that humor is my better option, "I'm also a slutty drunk so I suppose the fault is on me." He laughs, finally.
"You look..." He starts.
"A mess? Not as hot as you remember?" I begin to reel off statements I've heard uttered in passed experiences. I don't make a habit of it, but it seems to make a habit of me. Drunken blunders that is.
"Pretty" he finishes and I look at him for the first time since he woke up. He's lying on his back now, looking up at me leaning on my elbows in an attempt to appear more awake.
I soften my tone "Thank you" creeps out from behind my almost smiling, dried-out lips as a name springs to mind. I giggle and relax in the knowledge that I don't have to survive the rest of the morning pretending to know this mans name.
"And I suppose you're Ollie?"
"Oliver." He holds out his hand to shake and I adjust myself on one elbow and softly place my other hand in his.
"Nice to meet you. Again" I joke
"Again" he repeats and we both laugh. He kisses my forehead as I bow forwards and decide that this is definitely one of my better mornings after.
"So, Oliver, would you like a cup of tea?"
I may never meet this boy again, but at least I'll forever remember how many sugars he takes.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
Outrageous Photoshoot
Using a standard digital camera and a fade-in/out spotlight, I managed to get some pretty good shots from the shoot.
I used my friend Heather as a model; we went through a pack of straights between us during the shoot and several glasses of wine before hand but we got through it and no one's dignity was harmed (which could have been a different story had she worn the 3 sizes too small bralet as we originally planned).
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
I know some of the colours are a bit off but that's just how the world works. They look better as prints and I'll post the front cover of my mock magazine "Stellar" (music magazine) when it's finished being messed with on photoshop.
Peace Out ♥
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
Mission Impossible: Road Trip
Destination: Bournemouth Uni Halls
Mode Of Transportation: Rover Metro
Why? I received an email inviting me to an Activity Day at Bournemouth University and thought "shit I can't afford the train there and back!" So put out a plea on Facebook for a driver, wing man and place to stay in return for petrol money and food... The trip was organised that night and we set off a month later.
Verdict: A bloody good shout on my behalf if I do say so myself.
Other than a near death experience in Exeter, it all went pretty smoothly. Although it helps if you know which lane to be in on a six-lane road coming onto a round about and it doesn't hail day-after-tomorrow style running back to the car from the service station.
When we got to Bournemouth it was clear that university is going to be a serious culture shock. Ignoring the fact that they drink like old Cornish fisherman in Wetherspoon's and that one of the many Asda's in the area is so big it has a McDonald's inside it despite nearly everyone I met being overly obsessed with their appearance; Chinese deliver! To your door! You phone, you order, and they show up at your door!
I'm from Cornwall! If I asked any take away restaurant to deliver to my house, they'd end up down a tin mine or just say no.
Despite turning up to the uni with a crazy hangover and blagging my way through a short article about the underlying moral issues of eating a horse, I did get an offer about a week later so something must of gone right.
*Note to readers: Don't turn up hungover to an open day and never try to over take a lorry while going up a hill in an old car.
Peace Out ♥
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
New Years - 2013
WE SURVIVED!
Who'd have thought that a civilization that died out thousands of years ago failed to predict the end of the world.
Who'd have thought that a civilization that died out thousands of years ago failed to predict the end of the world.
[Also, who'd have thought exams would get in the way of my blogging.... but they did.]
So Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed it!
I dressed up a hippy/gypsy/someone from the 60's and enjoyed the count down and fireworks with my two great friends, Doctor Who and Tom Cruise; just how it's suppose to be, in St Ives, Cornwall.
Seriously check it out, it's a beautiful place!
 |
| L-R: Me as a hippy, Ellie, Callum, Amy as a pink Princess and Lucinda as Columbia from RHPS |
I've started the year with a clean slate, as always, and tried my best to stick to my New Years resolution of staying happy and focused on the future. I know it's cheesy but it's easier than trying to quit chocolate or alcohol!
This year I'll turn 18, finish college, start university, move out, become and adult and learn how to use a washing machine. All in a few short months!
All this uni business has led to several carelessly planned road trips around the UK with friends for interviews and open days.
Next Tuesday I'm going to Bournemouth with two friends for an open day. Funny story: Couldn't afford a train ticket late notice so instead made a status begging any willing driver to take me if I paid petrol. The result? A driver, a place to stay for two nights and a wing man.
It's who you know, not what you know.
 |
| This is what we'll actually be going in! WATCH OUT BOURNEMOUTH! |
 |
| (Photo from Tumblr) If only all road trips were like this! |
So just a warning to you all! Cities will be terrorized and roads will be closed when we're on the road!
I hope the year will go on just as it has started: With Reggae/Ska and well, The Lumineers playing on my Ipod; keeping busy with friends; (finally) passing my driving test and just generally enjoying my new life as an almost grown up. Never quite prepared....
I'll be posting about my fun times in Bournemouth and Portsmouth (and Brighton, London, Hertfordshire and everywhere else).
'Till then,
Peace Out ♥
Friday, 14 December 2012
Get Down Girl, Go Hey, Get Down - My ultimate night out playlist
You're about to go and paint the town red, tonight is the night you all look forward to and you've bought an outfit especially. Everyone's gathered at a friends house getting ready, fighting over the mirror and sharing make-up and jewelry to help each other look as hot as possible. Pre-drinks anyone?
[2 Glasses Red Wine]
1. Beyonce - Freakum Dress
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop
3. Jay Z - 99 Problems
Tonight is our £10 night. We gather at a friends house, with nothing more than £10 and a packet of Marlboro or Vogues in our bags for the entire night. Our aim is simple, when our £10 gone, it's gone, and we have to find other means of getting drinks down our lightly perfumed necks.
4. The Streets - Fit But You Know It
5. Arctic Monkeys - I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor
We all find our seats and buy our first drinks, usually a cocktail or glass of wine, loosen up, get your coat off and start scanning the room for potential buyers.
[Sex On The Beach Cocktail: Peach Schnapps, Vodka, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lemon Juice, Ice and an Orange Wedge]
6. T-Spoon - I Wanna Have Sex On The Beach
Sufficiently tipsy, and some morals out of the window, it's time to get up and dance. We're only in a bar, so nothing too dramatic, but there's always a clearing over by the speakers for a bit of movement. The dancefloor is the perfect place to start making a few eyes, make some friends, stop feeling like an outsider in the fun. There's always one 'eyer-upper' that will approach you when you've stopped dancing and there's your first free drink. Stunt number one.
[Jack Daniels and Coke]
7. Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body
8. Kanye West - Gold Digger
9. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - AKA What a Life
Time for a cig? Standing out the back door, freezing in you 'freakum fress' waiting for your friend to pull out the cigs. Everyone knows the "can I use your lighter" stunt, but it's a no brainer and is a great conversation starter. We've often find that two groups (our and there's) tend to become one for a short while after that, until either you or they get bored and go and find another bar. One things for sure in this case though.... free shots.
[Rule of Three: Jager, Vodka, Peach Schnapps]
10. Colt 45 - Afroman
11. Crazy Town - Butterfly
12. Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothing
On to the next bar! Time to get on the Jager Bombs, and there's nothing better for that than Spoons. We know the barmen, we know the bouncers, the drinks are cheap and there's an infinite amount of men to buy you drinks... bring on stunt number three: Hover round the bar area as if you're lost, and when a guy asks, you're looking for your friend who you could have sworn you saw with guy just minutes ago. "She's obviously hooked up with him and left for about half an hour."
This is a pretty smooth shout, because it starts a whole conversation with the guy, which inevitably involves two or three free drinks and an introduction to friends. Genius.
[Tequila Sunrise Cocktail: Tequila, Grenadine Syrup, Orange Juice - x3]
13. Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
14. Destiny's Child - Jumpin' Jumpin'
15. Calvin Harris - Feel So Close
Everyone needs a bit of live music in the night, whether it's a band or just an acoustic guy with his humble guitar, so follow the music to the next bar and get your dance on. There's nothing better than dancing like a hippy with a double Jack Daniels and coke in your hand, to live music. There's always the possibility of catching the band afterwards for drinks - fish bowl anyone?
[Fish Bowl Cocktail: Rasberry Rum, Sprite Remix, Pieces of Candy and a Lemon Wedge.... all thrown into a big bowl with about 5 straws... Get that straw pout going]
16. Young Guns - Bones
17. The Skints - Up Against The Wall
18. Shade of Red - Tragedy of Artists
The last round bell in bars at 1am always call for a rush to the closest bar man to get in the last legit drinks of the night, before braving the night clubs anti-freeze enhanced vodka (flaming, of course). Pretty, bloody drunk staggering towards the bar in what feels like your sexiest walk, chances are your make-up has run and your starting to look like a bit of a panda... but it's fine, in the words of Jenna Marble's "Ha! Jokes on you, 'cause I did it like that!"(just in case the bar man asks or whatever).
But who gives a fuck man?! Strut your stuff like you're Keira fucking Knightley [replace with idol of your choice] and as long as you're sure you're the hottest female in the whole world, no one's going to question your make-up. [Cosmopolitan Cocktail: Vodka, Cointreau, Cranberry Juice, Lime Juice, Lime Rind]
19. Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With Somebody
20. Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On
Night clubs. It's always the best way to end the night, since you're just too fucking drunk to care about the shit music that's playing. Popular "dubstep" and sex in the unisex toilets. But this is where the story ends, because chances are before the night clubs close, you will either be carried away by your night in shining armour or by the bouncer after you chundered on his shiney black shoes. Of course it will be all "that" guys fault for buying you drinks to get you drunk. So before that happens, PARTY! [Absolut Sex Cocktail: Absolut Kurant, Midori Melon Liqueur, Cranberry Juice, Sprite... Ectremely Drunk Cocktail: Tequila, Vodka, Jagermeister, Cranberry Juice, Grenadine... Jagermeister Shot]
21. Calvin Harris ft Florence Welch - Sweet Nothing
22. House of Pain - Jump Around
23. DJ Xclusive - Dirty Dubstep (If this link doesn't work, type DJ Xclusive into Grooveshark and it'll come up)
It's the early hours of the morning. You've either puked or dragged yourself home/to your mates house. You're surrounded by at least five people feeling just as drunk, violated and embarrassed as you. This is generally reflected in the music played as you lie sprawled on the floor, discussing the best moments of the night; who laid who, who said what; and what the fuck was that guy on thinking he could just grind up against you?!
Total Spent: £11.50 (That last shot tipped me over the edge)
Songs to mong out to at the end of the night....
24. For those who found someone special... The Lumineers - Ho Hey
25. ... And for those who didn't... Ben Howard - Keep Your Head Up
Warning: High Chunder Risk... Always remain in close proximity to a toilet/gutter. Thank you
Peace Out ♥
[2 Glasses Red Wine]
1. Beyonce - Freakum Dress
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop
3. Jay Z - 99 Problems
Tonight is our £10 night. We gather at a friends house, with nothing more than £10 and a packet of Marlboro or Vogues in our bags for the entire night. Our aim is simple, when our £10 gone, it's gone, and we have to find other means of getting drinks down our lightly perfumed necks.
4. The Streets - Fit But You Know It
5. Arctic Monkeys - I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor
We all find our seats and buy our first drinks, usually a cocktail or glass of wine, loosen up, get your coat off and start scanning the room for potential buyers.
[Sex On The Beach Cocktail: Peach Schnapps, Vodka, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lemon Juice, Ice and an Orange Wedge]
6. T-Spoon - I Wanna Have Sex On The Beach
Sufficiently tipsy, and some morals out of the window, it's time to get up and dance. We're only in a bar, so nothing too dramatic, but there's always a clearing over by the speakers for a bit of movement. The dancefloor is the perfect place to start making a few eyes, make some friends, stop feeling like an outsider in the fun. There's always one 'eyer-upper' that will approach you when you've stopped dancing and there's your first free drink. Stunt number one.
[Jack Daniels and Coke]
7. Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body
8. Kanye West - Gold Digger
9. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - AKA What a Life
Time for a cig? Standing out the back door, freezing in you 'freakum fress' waiting for your friend to pull out the cigs. Everyone knows the "can I use your lighter" stunt, but it's a no brainer and is a great conversation starter. We've often find that two groups (our and there's) tend to become one for a short while after that, until either you or they get bored and go and find another bar. One things for sure in this case though.... free shots.
[Rule of Three: Jager, Vodka, Peach Schnapps]
10. Colt 45 - Afroman
11. Crazy Town - Butterfly
12. Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothing
On to the next bar! Time to get on the Jager Bombs, and there's nothing better for that than Spoons. We know the barmen, we know the bouncers, the drinks are cheap and there's an infinite amount of men to buy you drinks... bring on stunt number three: Hover round the bar area as if you're lost, and when a guy asks, you're looking for your friend who you could have sworn you saw with guy just minutes ago. "She's obviously hooked up with him and left for about half an hour."
This is a pretty smooth shout, because it starts a whole conversation with the guy, which inevitably involves two or three free drinks and an introduction to friends. Genius.
[Tequila Sunrise Cocktail: Tequila, Grenadine Syrup, Orange Juice - x3]
13. Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
14. Destiny's Child - Jumpin' Jumpin'
15. Calvin Harris - Feel So Close
Everyone needs a bit of live music in the night, whether it's a band or just an acoustic guy with his humble guitar, so follow the music to the next bar and get your dance on. There's nothing better than dancing like a hippy with a double Jack Daniels and coke in your hand, to live music. There's always the possibility of catching the band afterwards for drinks - fish bowl anyone?
[Fish Bowl Cocktail: Rasberry Rum, Sprite Remix, Pieces of Candy and a Lemon Wedge.... all thrown into a big bowl with about 5 straws... Get that straw pout going]
16. Young Guns - Bones
17. The Skints - Up Against The Wall
18. Shade of Red - Tragedy of Artists
The last round bell in bars at 1am always call for a rush to the closest bar man to get in the last legit drinks of the night, before braving the night clubs anti-freeze enhanced vodka (flaming, of course). Pretty, bloody drunk staggering towards the bar in what feels like your sexiest walk, chances are your make-up has run and your starting to look like a bit of a panda... but it's fine, in the words of Jenna Marble's "Ha! Jokes on you, 'cause I did it like that!"(just in case the bar man asks or whatever).
But who gives a fuck man?! Strut your stuff like you're Keira fucking Knightley [replace with idol of your choice] and as long as you're sure you're the hottest female in the whole world, no one's going to question your make-up. [Cosmopolitan Cocktail: Vodka, Cointreau, Cranberry Juice, Lime Juice, Lime Rind]
19. Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With Somebody
20. Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On
Night clubs. It's always the best way to end the night, since you're just too fucking drunk to care about the shit music that's playing. Popular "dubstep" and sex in the unisex toilets. But this is where the story ends, because chances are before the night clubs close, you will either be carried away by your night in shining armour or by the bouncer after you chundered on his shiney black shoes. Of course it will be all "that" guys fault for buying you drinks to get you drunk. So before that happens, PARTY! [Absolut Sex Cocktail: Absolut Kurant, Midori Melon Liqueur, Cranberry Juice, Sprite... Ectremely Drunk Cocktail: Tequila, Vodka, Jagermeister, Cranberry Juice, Grenadine... Jagermeister Shot]
21. Calvin Harris ft Florence Welch - Sweet Nothing
22. House of Pain - Jump Around
23. DJ Xclusive - Dirty Dubstep (If this link doesn't work, type DJ Xclusive into Grooveshark and it'll come up)
It's the early hours of the morning. You've either puked or dragged yourself home/to your mates house. You're surrounded by at least five people feeling just as drunk, violated and embarrassed as you. This is generally reflected in the music played as you lie sprawled on the floor, discussing the best moments of the night; who laid who, who said what; and what the fuck was that guy on thinking he could just grind up against you?!
Total Spent: £11.50 (That last shot tipped me over the edge)
Songs to mong out to at the end of the night....
24. For those who found someone special... The Lumineers - Ho Hey
25. ... And for those who didn't... Ben Howard - Keep Your Head Up
Warning: High Chunder Risk... Always remain in close proximity to a toilet/gutter. Thank you
Peace Out ♥
Saturday, 24 November 2012
My Feminist Mystique: Get Laid
After another evening in with my non-gay gay best friend, a bottle of wine and hours of pigging out while complaining about how we're stuck in my village, which has become a fort, surrounded by a moat thanks to the flooding.
I thought about the advise given to me by an article I read on Vice magazine about what a particular female journalist spent her time doing during the New York hurricane. Clue? It wasn't writing, or keeping up to date with the news.
I thought about the advise given to me by an article I read on Vice magazine about what a particular female journalist spent her time doing during the New York hurricane. Clue? It wasn't writing, or keeping up to date with the news.
"I own but one piece of equipment that uses disposable batteries (although I am seriously considering getting one of those yipping robot dogs that does back flips because hello, awesome), and that’s my vibrator. So when people told me to “buy batteries” their advice was more important than they would ever imagine. It was pretty hilarious advice to get from my ex-boyfriend, but terrifying to hear from my mother. Everyone was saying to me “Who knows how long you’re going to be stuck inside with no internet and no power, so make sure you have enough batteries to run your giant dildo indefinitely”. Says Vice Columnist Kat George.
So sufficiently drunk, and after my dearest non-gay gay best friend had left to brave the weather, I took to the shower. Sadly, I don't own a giant dildo or a travel sized vibrating bullet, but we all make do.
Is this the way the world works now?! Whenever we're bored, instead of reading a book or watching a good film, we masturbate? When I was signed up be female by genetics in a world where we were equal to men (horaah feminism!) I didn't realize it meant we had now also become men, who were only interested in sex.
Don't get me wrong, when it's required, it's required, and I know I'll eventually own a body-less dick, but at the end of the day, if I have a choice, I'd much rather fuck my boyfriend. Or most other tall attractive guys for that matter. Actual sex is always better, no need to replace the man as soon as we become his equal- give 'em a break, they're proven less intelligent. They don't understand why they're not getting sex anymore.
On the plus side, if you have a really shit night out and don't pull anyone, and your Sure Thing is busy with whatever, you have a back up. A back up to your back-up, that's what wanking is.
I'm not drowning you in The Feminist Mystique, or converting you back to whenever age dildo's were invented. I'm simply stating a point.
I prefer sex. If you don't, you're not doing it right; or he isn't, but either way, you gotta get out there. This is MY Feminist Mystique: get laid, because people died so we wouldn't get called sluts anymore.
So this is where I leave you, after yet another rant which we all know is caused by not being out at bars for the weekend. What can do? I'm not wading though inches of water in my favorite new leather boots to sit in a flooded bar. I'll leave you to your dildo's and/or boyfriends to enjoy this flood fucking any kind of dick, weather it's attached to a body or not.
Peace Out ♥
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)