Boardmasters or Sexmasters?

After the longest game of sexual Never Have I Ever in the history of drinking games, my hazey brain started to think about the weird, sexy things that people do; and more importantly, where they do these weird sexy things. Especially at festivals.

"Never have I ever had sex in the dance tent..." Who's drinking? 

So way too many confessions later, me and my bestie wing man, Mozzy go on a hunt. Starting at one side of the camp site, we stagger around asking the general (and slightly smelly) public where the weirdest places people have had sex this weekend! 

So this was our top five,bthank you so much unwilling and drunk participants for your dirty little secrets....

1. "Last night I had sex behind the milkshake stand... While it was still open. I didn't know the guy but I'm pretty sure his name Andrew" - Laura, 20 

2. "I was banging this girl on the cliff edge so hard that we nearly fell off the edge of the cliff. Was worth it though haha!" - Nick, 22

3. "Me and my boyfriend got a bit excited on the first night and started having sex in the dance tent. Eventually people started noticing and in several strange moments I was struggling to pull my pants up while crowd surfing!! I think it's safe to say that it was the most embarrassing moment of my life" - Jen, 18

4. "I was so wasted last night and had been getting with this guy all night so thought, why not? I staggered back to the tent with him and we started fooling around, about 20 minutes later someone opens the tent and screams! I realise I've climbed into not only the wrong tent, but the wrong field! Talk about a walk of shame..." - Christina, 25

5. "I had sex in a port-a-loo. It was raining so me and some random chick took shelter in the toilet.. I was pretty hyped and next thing I know she's bent forward touching her toes. The port-a-loo must have been rocking a bit because we get a round of applause as we leave! Can I get some lad points?" - Sammy, 17

Yes Sammy, you can get some lad points! 

I think it's safe to say that when young people get left on their own, it's more than a few forts and slip and slides that we get creative with.

But it's not all about the sex. Here's a few picks from our forth year at the Boardmasters festival in Newquay.

The best fucking wingman a girl could ask for.

 

Peace Out.

Was That Good For You?

According to Urban Dictionary, a hopeless romantic is defined as someone who is both in love with being in love and being loved. This is apparently very different to a hopeless flirter, who is defined as someone who is simply in love with being loved. 

I'm the latter.

There's nothing wrong with being either, whether you are positively naive or just have some issues (I'm the latter again). After all, if you loose the bullshit, we're all just hopeless really.

Regardless of this fact, sometimes all a girl wants is fireworks. Beautiful, spontaneous fireworks that blow your mind and send you tumbling.

It doesn't have to last forever, in fact I'd go as far as saying it could only be one night. 

It may just be my inherent desire to be loved but it's starting to become clear that I'm asking for too much.

Surely a year of built up sexual frustration, a little too much vodka and a play fight is enough to set off some pretty epic fireworks. 

Were my expectations too high? I mean what was I actually hoping for? Because it's not like I'm a believer in fairy tales... And I don't want to marry the guy. 

Objectively, I have no reason to complain but it's clear my search for fireworks continues. Afterall, there was definitely no sign of them on the sofa; or on the floor, table, bed and in the shower. I checked twice! 

"Uh, was that good for you?" ..... Enough said.

Peace Out.